release therapy

so i haven't truly scribed down my feelings in a while... how is everyone.. I know I am slacking on my posts. but im human forgive me guys!

as of right now, life is kicking me in the balls... lol.

Im in love, like that deep can't think, cant breathe love, and to be honest... it's a love I have never been in before...

I don't think Im equipped to deal well, I think too much, and I have a big big problem with wearing my heart on my sleeve..

how do I take care of that? I mean lessen the way that I care, or just shut it off. for a long time i could just shut that off, and for some reason this one, this one woman, opened up those feelings again like Pandora's box. and now I want them to shut off..

when you deal with people and specifically emotions, you have to come to certain realizations, and self actualization's, and i don't think im ready for that, sad, but true.. I feel like it's a slap in the face...


love shouldn't feel bad... and on top of that, I think that my issues with just the things going on in my life don't help that either.. so I think all day, all day, and I wonder all day, and worry all day, and I just need something else to focus on, I am on summer vacay... but I am absolutely dying to go back to work and prefer the stress of working than dealing with my feelings potentially being hurt, yes this feeling should only be temporary, but what do you do when your feelings and the thing you want to last the most doesn't?


what do I do now, start from scratch, I broke my own heart? how do you just live with out any regrets, I admire people who don't care,like truly. because it's impossible for me not to.. my mom says underneath the tough guy is the most loving person you will ever meet.. and she's always said that. loving someone and showing someone the pure essence of you is difficult and when you do... you pray that they accept that from you. and pray that they love you as much as you love them... and I hope she loves me... I really do. maybe we just need some time and space...


the next time i write.. I hope to have all these things sorted out...

you tube...

hello! me again, so I was watching this you tube video, about why there aren't any good "men" around, and the woman stated that if you are searching for something what can you bring to the table... if you want a person with money, and you're broke with bad credit, you aren't putting out those positive vibes to bring that person to you.

I truly agree with that, the company you keep speaks mountains of you and your character.. how you want things to be in your life, or the mate so to speak that you want, will show themselves when you make it possible for them to enter your life, so if you are around a bunch of negative people, that's the type of people that enter and stay in your life.

I think this woman was right, and if you keep a bunch of losers, then you will be a loser, you're going to date a loser, and have loser babies.. LOL.


strive for more people. lmao.


what do you bring to the table, what can you contribute to the "dream" person? can you hold your own weight? can you communicate? can you be selfless and considerate? just like you want them to be?


ask yourself that, and get back to me...