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I really need to be sleep, my mom has surgery tommrow, or today cause it's like 3 am or something, idk, who keeps track of time. LOL.

I miss her so much, it bothers me that I miss her as much as I do, I think about her alot, and I jus kinda wanna forget that I do think about her, because if I can forget, then maybe it will be easier.... but I think I am handling the progression of whatever it is well...

been getting lots of love on DL. I wonder why????

I made some food, and didn't even eat it, now it's cold and I have a bump on my tounge, I hate when I get those... hey are those considered tounge pimples? LOL. Idk why I thought about that.


so I miss my homie shellie, she is a homie from way back like first grade back, and even when we were small she was gay, I mean it took me a long long time to get it, but that hoe knew right away. LOL. she used to have a crush on our fouth grade teacher, and speak about her all the time. LOL.

and in middle school we used to rap, and sing, and our fav song was killing me softly by the fugees, man we thought we was the shit.

hooked my wii back up, and since im jus an average joe now, I'm gonna buy games, and waste lots of time doing nothing but playin' my wii.

the heart is an entity in itself, it teaches you new things, and it's teaching me how to love, and be loved, teaching me how to be patient, to be kind, and learn from my previous mistakes, it's teaching me how to recover, how to be selfless, and honest, to be myself, because me in my purest forms, deserves to be loved too, teaching me how to care, and not be so gaurded. so please, for this next journey don't break my heart
-My love letter to my next girlfirend LOL.. If I ever get one-


I am so random, I just re read this and it's all over the place!

so I need to clean my room, but I am compelled to play manhunt 2, cause I can't get past the strip club place, cause IDK how to get in to the door that is gaurded, wtf... bitch open the door so I can win the game! LOL. Imma go buy the strategy guide soon.. LOL..

I like polka dots..

SO I have a wedding to go to soon, and I saw this pant and vest set at Ashley stewart, and I figure its steel grey so imma hit it with some color, maybe some yellow vans, or some royal blue ones, or even some green ones, and a silk scarf for the pocket and if i need one, a tie. maybe.. I wanna be sexy too, all the epps are going to be in their dresses, and well.. we know i'm not doing that, but I can get sexy in my own little way.


okay I wanna play my wii now. BYE.

that girl is ...ooohhhhhh...

yeah that's what I jus heard on the phone.. LOL. Boo to you for waking me up. LOL.


but um.. I wonder if girls see me, and say the same thing, like OHHH.. she is so cute.. LOL

yea... so I was a late bloomer... Lightweight... SO it took a while for me to come into my own, I don't think I'm all the way there yet, but I am way more comfy, and I feel like I look AHEm... clears throat:: Aiight. LOL.

so I wonder what attracts girls to girls as far as looks go, Like does a person have to have a sort of demeanor and or attitude that would make her more attractive, cause I know for me, if your super girly and "quick on your feet" I'm all over it.. LOL. well not all the time, but sometimes... but then again.. it's been a while since soneone had that "WOW factor" on me.....


side bar...

PLEASE GO BUY JAIME FOXX'S ALBUM.. THAT SHIT IS STR8 BABY MAKERS. WORD...


OKAY.

now..


LOL. @ my mom saying: " why the hell everythime I come up here you watching the gay channel"

omg it's so cold outside, IDK if I am going anywhere.... HAppy birthday ryan's mini twin... LOL. member when rachel had dookie braids ryan? LOL. they have come along way boy, they are both women now! smdh... I might have to kill someone.


well Imma try to lay down.. OMG. I hate being sick.

feelings

I don't know why I am so aggy..

maybe it's because.. i'm sick. maybe I jus don't feel well.. maybe my period is coming..

I am jus tired.. and so many things on my mind..

ugh.. blah blah blah...


I left work early. now I'm going to bed...


women... ah. gotta love it.

work of art.

My tattoo obession is beginning.... I want a few more tats...
because I told my homie


" the next time I take my clothes off, I wanna be a work of art.."

and I mean that..

I cannot wait to get this bills in order so that, I can jus get my tat game up, like I really wanna be able to be a work of art. and I feel like they are an expression of who you are as a person. and what you stand for...



my sister.

is the coolest, she gave me some money today, maybe she's growing up. I really appricate that she appricates me enough to help me when I need it.


I still wanna do it. LOL.
but I'll wait...

So she read my blogs yesterday, I wonder what she thought, I hope she don't think that I am crazy.. I just hope she realizes that I really love her, and could care less what anyone thinks... you're one of my best friends... I hope you know that...


Crazy..

well I don't think that I am crazy but I guess I am kinda.. some times... LOL..


I cleaned my room somewhat, and put all the sneakers back in the boxes... it looks good...


and I am not walking, but I am having a party of some sorts for my graduation.. wanna come???



I need a pedicure.

took the night off...

Spending every moment in the studio..
I never said it would be fair..
But when you're all alone, I hope you truly know
how bad I wanna be there

come right here...
sit your bag down...
I took the night off for you....
go ahead and turn the lights off
but keep your heels on...
they fit for what I'm bout to do...

know you hate explaing how you want it done...
Jus be quiet I'll do fine with out your help girl...

A Night Off - Drake ft Lloyd



so this blog is about sex... and emotion...


SO I have been celebate for about a year and a half... and for the most part I have been good...

I havent had sex because I want an emotional connection, not jus boning. but someone who even if we aren't in a relationship we are still cool and can spend time and be good...

but I truly do want a good workout so-to-speak.

but sometimes..I don't want any emotions just for it to be just sex. but unfortunatley I am emotional so random hook ups aren't me...


honesty.

I have this huge issue with honesty and people who aren't honest. I don't lie about anything , or at least I try not to. I hate when people lie, and then forget their lie. ugh..

and for the most part, my nature is to either, confront the issue or totally avoid it.. and when and if these situations arise, I just will stop talking to the person, and or just write you off in my book, and for the most part ppl don't even know I am deadin them..

I am offically done with school. fuck grad school right now. I wanna beeee freee! my mom wants me to walk , and I don't want to I jus wanna be done and work and chill out.. be a wreckless lil camper... but only for a llittle while..


My hives went away.. and I brought myself something nice for valnetine's day..

emotion.

something that is forever going to be there, and never go away. emotions run really high... well for me they do.. when I do care I often care too much.. and that's what ususally gets me in trouble, loving women too much..and sometimes I feel like I am a person that should be loved, and could be loved. but sometimes I am very hard to understand. and maybe one day someone will understand, but for now I'm not going to hold my breath...smdh...


I wanna go to pride in Miami... or do something with myself, I am no longer a college student! yayz!



everthine, evermine, everours... ha... you jus crossed my mind..

Retrospect

I am one of the sweetest people around... If you get to know me.. but occasionally I forget that I am human, and forget about me.. and sometimes when you neglect yourself you forget a lot of things. one of my issues in forgeting about me, is losing touch with my feelings.... which usually leads to a boo-hoo session in my room. or an realization that I haven't been doing something right. or that I am totally wrong for something.

I am not the best person in the world, and someone made a good point to me the other day.. that I am human, and sometimes, we tough guys need mental health days or just time to recoup and get ourselves together.

I have a terrible issue with anger, and sometimes use my agression is used in the wrong way and some people recive the brunt of this anger. hence why I like being by myself. and I'm probally going to be forever by myself.... but I really don't mind that. because at the end of the day, me as a flawed individual is all that I can offer. and all that I can give..


FTD can go suck a dick, I plan to hate on them every chance I get. the fuckin suck at selling flowers.

Annoyances.

Here's a list of things that I hate...

1. When people wake up being haters. why the fuck does it matter when and what and where I am doing stuff. stop raning on our parades.. bitch

2.When people make promises that they can't keep.

3.When people lie and say they gonna call you back. and they don't.. jus don't say anything.

4.When my friends are sad!

5.When I feel like I am being used. Which usually makes me wanna never talk to you again.

6.When my heart overrides my logic.. and I end up a broken-hearted suka for love...

7.When people come to my house and try on my shoes.. they are mine, so please just look at them, don't put your feet in them.

8.I am beginning to be annoyed with women period. so yeah add that to the list too....

9.For my food to touch.

10.Too deal with my feelings. Sometimes, I would rather be silent and not talk to a person, over talk it out and deal with the emotions that may potentially come with it... yeah it's fucked up.. but very true...

11.For the cereal and milk at work not to be in the properly assined places...

12. To go to work early becase other people didn't want to come, btw I have only called in twice in almost two years.

so that's a list. and it's will probally be revised...


at the end of the day... I always try to remember, that everything happens for a reason, you live and learn, and apply them to the latter of you life, and that all of God's gifts aren't cherished as they should be, but because I am one of his gifts, I will be fine <3...

Later days....