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Monday, January 11, 2010

Dont belive the hype.

I wrote this about a week ago, I have been writing for years, but I don't show anyone my work, because for the most part it's been just for me... just for me to read and reflect on later on when I'm past the "humps and bumps" but hey.. I guess I'll let you read this.

"it's gonna be okay" thats what the fuck I keep hearing...

hype. hype.hype.

seems like words to me.

I feel like I'm drowning.

feel like a boxer on his 12th round.

Everything is blurry. running from my opponent's fury.

So i hold it in, my aggression until the right time, the time for me to shine, when it's time for me to fight for whats mine, when time stops ticking...

what is gonna be left of me to be given.

Man my right hand... his pops dead.. so who he gonna look up to? who gonna see us through? He's my hero. but we cant see eye to eye sometimes, because what I want ain't always right, but he always ride. he always got my back and I swear he gonna get everything back. cause I owe him just as much if not more than that... I swear this nigga is my troop leader. and she my partner in crime, we met in tenth grade and I swear I know she worries, but I promise Imma be fine.... you helped me figure out me... if it wasnt for you.. I might not have know my potential.. thank you "B".

cause I haven't cried for me in a long time, just for other people, doing what other people want. Man... I feel caged...

I wish people didn't judge so much, just cause I'm caring.... don't mean I'm weak. I just don't wanna compete anymore. I been standing up for me for years. and shit I fuckin quit.

when it rains it pours. but who got an umbrella. cause fuck you niggas, I mean imma keep it trucking.

so i sit in my room and imagine, draw pictures and write love letters to you. hoping that one day I might "man up " and give em up to you...

I never cried like I did over you. and maybe it was to prove that Im human, and that all the greats are taken down by love and love alone.. love don't make the world go round, but that shit make your heart stop. Bitch I love you to death. I would rip my goddamn heart out my chest... maybe it's too late for that. but hey, sometimes, niggas like me act whack... and my mom ain't raise me like that.. but they say love will make you dumb, blind ,deaf, and crazy... so hey, I hope you forgive me for being a sucka for love. cause you the only one that could ever okie doke me and get all of my love.... like anthony hamiltion say... I cant stay away too long so forgive me mama.. if my actions prove wrong, my intent is better than you could imagine....

my momma say patience is a virtue. but what the fuck am i waiting for? disappointment? no matter what I do, her love is unconditional.. she love me more that she love them damn dill pickles... but I swear I wanna make her prouder, I want her to be able to tell everyone "yeah bitch my baby shits on your kid, fuck you bastards, my baby paid for my place to live"....

yeah she proud, but I wanna do better. my sister protects me. and I pinky swear you my bestest... my foundation is strong, so why is it so hard for me to get along??

All i fuckin see is grey, and I'm tired of rainy days. fuck that umbrella, i'd rather have walking pneumonia.. cause I can't fuckin see, even with these expensive ass frames on my face B.

so I burn these trees, cause for a moment, I can sleep, I can keep my mind free.. Man cudi was right.. there are other kids that don't go to sleep at night...

Maybe cause my pops tellin ppl he ashamed of me.. and that nigga don't even know me.. cause I choose to love a woman... that's just whack, you a three time felon, YOU LEFT ME. and I forgive you for that. Nigga I look just like you. I walk like you bruh.. My skin just as dark as yours.... you probably the reason im always gonna have a broken heart. I wanna say fuck you. but I love you.

just because I hit hard don't mean Im fragile, just like a package.. dont shake me.. I might explode in your face like soda...

I swear to god, the only thing that I can relate to is a fuckin beat.. man.. I hope that guy upstairs got the right master plan for me. cause im tired of icing these fuckin black eyes and bruises. but shit like this provides character right??!??!?

would everyones life be better if they chose to remove me from it.

Nah probally not, everyone got problems, so why should I worry about mines? Imma just keep puttin ice on these shits and take it in stride :) slap god up on the regular and ask him to take care of mines..

ha. can't keep a champ down for too long.. they gonna find a way.... my life ain't the best. but i know for damn sure it's not the worst.. pray for me and i'll pray for you..

I can't save the world. but I guess I can save ME.

Friday, January 8, 2010

jan 8th, 2010

so it's the first blog post of the year..


how are you?

so since my last update much had changed, but i mean its been a learning expirence, intresting, a test of faith, and these changes help, these changes help me evolve...

I hope to be able to keep to my resoution:

which is not to tie my emotions much into anything.. when you become emotional, it becomes more for people to bear... and emotions take a toll. I am an emotional person by nature, but the past few months, I have been extremley emotional. I feel like I have been going thru puberty. I am learning much more about me... much more...Im proud of myself...

now I smile because, it could be worse, I couldn't be blessed. so now I can take the bad in stride, it happens to the best of us.

happy new year.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

my sentiments exactly

it's almost been a year, and we ain't really changed, you left to hang out and do you, but shit don't feel the same, you saying you back you here, but I kinda feel like it's bullshit, cause if you were, this nigga would never be on your mind, he wouldn't have a special section on your page. I don't have a special section, and we done been thru a lot more.

you here, but you not, you say you wanna be friend, don't want a relationship right now, but come on man, im supposed to wait for you to make up your mind somehow? for you to realize that I am special to you.

mean while this shit is fuckin with my mental too,

bringing up trust issues.
cause I don't think any other bitch I could trust after this, yeah you say you left cause of the emotions, but at the end of the day you still left and you're going to do it again, if it's not for money, probably for some other man.

and im supposed to sit here and not even trip, but I can't help my feelings.


I don't want to be a casualty, a victim. I don't want to feel stupid, like damn, I loved her again. and she did the same shit. I don't feel like im run of the mill but I feel like you think I am, so Id rather go and not find out, that maybe I was right, or even see what this bullshit is about..

and that bothers me

cause I want to stay. I wanna look at you every day. but Something in my mind is saying don't trust it.... so should I say fuck it? I try to talk to you, but instead of you listening, its a problem. so now I feel alone. its 7:20 am and I don't feel normal in my own home. I just feel left out and lonely...

starting to feel like this love shit is really corny.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

it has to be a mixture of spiderman, x-men, and speed racer.

Ask me anything

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

It was a mixture, of speed racer, Xmen, and spider man.

Ask me anything

What's the best place near you to get a pizza?

even though I don't eat pizza that much.. I would have to say, it's a tie between Galleria Pizza downtown in Reynolds Arcade, and Pudigies on the east side!! yum yum.

How many countries have you traveled to?

ummm , none but I have traveled to about 6 or 7 states.

Ask me anything

If you could become any fictional character, who would you be?

I would be speed racer, he's my fave !!

Ask me anything

About Me

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my name is sharda' I am a student/ full time manager/ busy body. I am writing about my personal expirences, and my life, and everyone in it. and just letting you all get to know me.