promises promises...

why do we make promises? lol. I mean I try to keep my word, because as a woman I feel like you should stick to whatever you said you were going to do period. I don't like being let down so why should I let others down?

promises are a werid thing, for someone to PROMISE you something is like giving a person a million dollars, and then taking it away when the promise isn't fufilled... it's strange in that way.

promises are deal breakers... promises aren't for pessmistic people. but if you were promised something, you always look forward to it, and I think it's time for me to stop promising anything to anyone, because nobody makes promises to me...

relationships period, even down to the most insignificant ones are hard to deciper bullshit from the real....

"she who cares the least runs the relationship"

blah. so what do you think of promises?


I have a love hate relationship with them. the only person who has promised me anything and has always done it, is my mother... she's the best.


but on another note, im thinking about becoming a vegeterian again, and growing my hair back. lol. boy, i don't think im ready for that akward stage that is natural hair...

i really want it back for some reason. i don't know why...

My theory

My theory.. Is that, nice guys will never be anything to whom they truly want..

Why, because you are overlooked on a constant basis...

You dont matter, your feelings dont matter, you are important when someone is having a crisis...

And...

It doesnt matter how you feel, just them.. Cause thats what youre here for..

I understand this because i am this, yeeep, the nice guy, the one who never gets the girl because the whore/ jerk is way more appealing to her...because women prefer to be treated with insignificance, because it makes them feel significant....

And from a nice guys veiw, it bothers me, it makes me feel less than.

Like why am i good to wipe tears? But nothing else?

I guess...

Why care, or even worry about the next when im sure they never really cared or will never worry about me?

Why does it matter at all?

Blah, why does it matterrrrr.. At alll...

Im feeling truly conflicted guys.. Like help me out with this, am i going to ever be able to just care without being portrayed as "soft" or a "pushover" ? I am a grown woman, i stand on my own two feet, like why wouldnt a person want to be with someone who cares about them enough to do little things, i got my own money, so im not worried about that, why wouldnt you want someone who puts your needs and your relationship first?

Maybe i am jus bad luck..

I know all of this cant be all my damn fault. Lol. But i guesssssss...


Im learning, but i really think this is changing my outlook on women in general.. And not in a good way.

Now im scared.. That nobody is going to like that part of me. So i end up staying super gaurded, because everytime i let my gaurd down, i feel like im being slapped in the face... And i really need to protect my face. lmaooo.


Thats it for now dudes and dudettes. Lol

NO celings!

yep. it's been on repeat...

but, my favorite song is "single"

because I jus feel that shit... like really... he put between a rock and a hard place... shit's crazy


"she text me all day and night, so pissed of she ain't spellin shit right, I text her back , and tell her it's life"

just some shit, is stupid to me, and now I look at things like , ha that was a joke... lmao.

Im starting to feel some type of way about relationships, girls like jerks, and when im not a jerk it never goes well...

women are trifilin... lol. I have encountered in like three weeks, the most questionable women ever. shit period. lol.

but im learning how to weed out the bullshit, filter the noise, and just do me... :)

I had a wonderful birrthhdayyy...


"I ain't trippin of nothin, Im sippin somethin' and homeboy said he got a bad btch for me.... ifff yaaa singgglllee puttt yahh handdds up" lol.

have a good day bastards.

some people prefer...

disrespect...

I never thought about it.

but they do..

some women would prefer for me to treat them like shit, than for me to be able to be myself... I noticed that.. when I decide I want to be werid ol' me... it back fires.. when i say words like "stoked" they laugh. when i wanna treat them like they mean something to me, they give me they ass to kiss. so i truthfully feel like nobody is going to be okay with me and who i am.

but when i be like bitch shut the fuck up. they love it. lol.


sigh. women...


but.. im feeling good today...

someone sent me a random text.. and i haven't been feeling...the greatest with some things, but I recived a text that made me feel like a million stacks man...

I forgot...

like really forgot.. that theres a million fishes in the sea..

i don't need you and you don't need me..

Like i had noooo idea, i still have the love bug symptoms, but, now I see them... I never saw them...this shit is crazyyyyyy.... But everything happens for a reason, and sometimes shit just aint meant to be understood... You jus gotta keep it pushiiinnnn..

goodnight..

an open letter to love.

dear love,

thanks.. for making me see, what it is that you mean to me, but I got some questions for you, because I really don't understand what you do..

why do i feel this way, when you were taken away?
I mean Im here feeling the same, but well, love you done switched up the game, i thought that I could do it, just go on and be on my merry way, but love you playing games that aren't okay..

why do I feel like this, why do i miss what love gives, I never been one to care, and now i jus feel totally unprepared...

love..

can you just awnser me please? just tell me why I always feel shortchanged... why my feelings always remain, and why im always left alone. what am I doing wrong for this problem to occur..

Love if you just let me be loved, then I might be okay, but love you don't want it that way.. love... you make me upset, and make me wish that I could have never met.. a person who brought you to my life..

love, you make me feel inadequate, insecure, and just sad...

not saying that you always did that, but now I am dealing with your aftermath...

love why do I feel some way, I just want this to go away.... love, why won't you fix me.. cause I really need to get rid of our bad history.. Love.. if you could just wipe what you did away... I would be okay.. but you're all I think about...

why you came and bit me??

why you give me the love bug? why not give it to someone who could be loved back? or give it away to someone who knows how to receive this gift and not feel as though it was a curse, because you love.. make me feel cursed...

Ill be 24 on Saturday, and all I want for my birthday is to get rid of you.. LOVE i don't want to love you... love.. just leave me alone, I was fine before you came, and now love you make me absolutely in-fuckin-sane.

so love for my birthday all I want is to be let go of, maybe one day I'll come back , but truthfully the way that I feel ... I doubt that, I don't want you to make an impact on me any more...

I just want to be love free, so please love can you just set me free...



sincerely,

Sharda' Latrise Beverly.

sit that shit down..

yes. bitch. sit it the fuck down. I wish someone would have said that to me last night.

lol. that's my phrase when someone is doing too much..

so last night, I got super wasted, and boyy... was it an expirence.. sooo.. yeah.

so i got wasted, because me and love werent getting along... and it was clear that love was winning the fight saturday night.. ugh...

"friends" are overrated.. I am accostomed to being alone, and now i feel this huge lonliness that I don't want to be a part of anymore...


how do I fix that...

I really think something is wrong with me... Im stuck..

ugh.. no more drinking... well at least after november 7th, 2009 :)