ugh

STOP


SENDING

ME

OBAMA

FORWARDS


WHAT THE FUCK.

is it me???

is it me? really? maybe Im jus destined for failure in these relationships, because it seems like I fail at them all the time...

trust is something you should have, and I know it takes time for you to earn it, but what didn't I do for you not to trust me, I have not been anything like your past endeavors, for you to treat me as such.

and my issues with gaurding myself have proven to be a whole 'nother can of worms. I feel as if i keep myself garuded that I can keep myself from being hurt, so I want to leave before anything bad happens like me getting hurt, which isn't gong to get me anywehre, and I feel like is a terrible defense mechanisim. but when you are a feeling, living, breathing individual, there comes a time when you have to stop doing that. and face your fears. and maybe some day soon I can actually do that, just let my garud down and hope for the best. I really don't wanna fuck this up, but it seems like I am going to fuck it up royally.

stalker alert.

so my stalker im'ed me and was like yo. you go out with so and so, and Im like how the heck did this bitch find out about me and my girl? she's crazzzyy! she like she love me and she dont know me, and she don't know shit about me, I treated her good, but what the fuck. I liked you but you dated my friend like a week before you met me. what the fuck. and you mad. for what? live your life hoe.

love me long time.

so.. yeah what's up with this people liking me all of a sudden now that I have a girlfriend? the mami's wasn't checking for me before and now they saying shit like please give me another chance. and Im jus shocked by it. when I was there willing to put my all in to these shitty people hoping that they would love me back, it wasn't happening, and now you have a revelation?

whatever.

but I also feel like maybe I am too nice sometimes, and that I have been taken advantage of. and I jus hope that someone will see that one day I am someone who deserves the same treatment that I give out. and maybe someone will realize that. but untill then I guess im jus gnna be chillin here.

the skinny girl means a lot, but idk if this is what she wants, sometimes....

Idk i jus feel like someitmes, i jus don't have it in me. my friend said to stop being so negative about love and all dat ... but idk

sometimes a person is nothing but their past encounters, and sometimes those encounters make you build walls, and forgive me for fighting you, but my heart isn't for sale, unless i find that you are deserving of that heart. yes, it's cold and unfiar, but sometimes, it's best....

the fucked up thing is, that I might miss out on my blessing trying to fix my heart. but Im workin on that, one day at a time, and she seems to want to work with me and help me help us, which in turn we are helping each other, which is a good thing. I have yet to get tired of hanging with her all the time, and that's a good thing, cause I have the shortest attention span ever...


I wanna doo it. LOL.

see that's exactly what I mean.. where did that come from.

so me an ryan started a new blog, called the nice guy vs. the jerk, and it's pretty much our point of veiw on life. lol. this should be intresting.

later days.


blahh goes the lioness.

why

am I awake?

I still feel like shit! geesh. and I have post nasal drip so I am very unhappy in the mornings sometimes. and I'm really tired actually! I jus washed my hair, and I really don't feel good..

SUPERfical.

so. things like the internet and such bother me.

why do you think I would be compelled to care about a status on myspace, facebook, or aol inst. messenger.

you would think that I know better and I do, but due to the hegemonic society.. I sometimes succomb to this, such as being bothered by statuses on any of the three things I forementioned.

I don't care for the most part, but it's unfortunate when you do. because to a person that is into all of these things, what you do speaks volumes about you and your character. for a person that spends hours at a time uploading countless photos and posting comments, and such, that would matter, but to me it doesn't and sometimes it does, it urked me a tad today, but...


my point is that if your world revolves around it, then it will be come a destruction, these sites are supposed to be hobbies, not an obession, and when you do feed in to the bullshit that is america's way of communication, then you fail. why would I care about that, yes, the internet tells you a lot of things, but it cannot tell me how I feel about "you"

If you feed in to the things that I guess people are into, then you are doomed to be forever sterotyped, and catergorized. peopole don't even write letters anymore. shit, I text my mom and she stays a floor below me. wtf?!??!? I have be come lazy in doing what I do to express myself and or even jus being vocal about my needs and or wants for my life. blah...


it seems as though I may want to delete this "sites" jus for my own good. shit.....


I really do like the way things are going...


blah goes the lioness.

speakerboxx/love below

so prototype is playing on pandora. 2003 speakerboxx and the love below released. the love below, put andre 3000 as one of the best artists.. (to me) of all time, his whole album was very very of kilter and different, if you haven't bumped it, try "dracula's wedding", "pink and blue" and shit... jus the whole album... :)

sorry. it's been a while, but I have been busy living my life, and such, and kinda forgot about this outlet here, and picked up a nasty habit, smoking!!! ugh. but yesterday I quit, becasue it's not very becoming... and not good for me, someone special keeps saying that it's shortens 7 seconds of my life, everytime I smoke, so I gotta quit...

so lets play fast forward, my love life is pretty progressive, it's going well, my skinny girl is awesome, with her slight temper tantrums and such, but she's really sweet.. a bit of a brat but really sweet. we fall asleep on the fone together, and I think that I am in like.. lol. yah for me.. LOL.

but.. I am jus not sure about it, I sometimes feel like I don't know where I stand with her, because she doesn't express her emotions much, but is always telling me to shut up, idk, maybe i got it in the bag... but I seriously doubt it. so... blah whatever.. i guess one day at a time eh...

I do see it going somewhere far, and last week she told me that I am her girlfriend, so I guess that means i'm off the market.


Im done with college, and now Im jus working, we are supposed to go on a trip to nyc soon, me and her, and some friends.. but im not totally sure if that's gonna happen, my pockets are hurting something severe. sooo.. I might not even make it to ohio next week, even though I really wanna go.. but I doubt that I make it. idk.

I want a new cellphone badly.

imperfection: an imperfect detail; flaw: a law full of imperfections.

imperfections make you perfect. in a perfect world you would be you, with no quirks and or problems, but due to the world being imperfect you are imperfect. and with imperfections come lessons, and learning and true growth. and when you realize that you can't do everything and save everyone you realize that you are flawed bueatifully, and that whatever powers that be want you to be that way, and whatever and whomever you are into are going to love you for you. and should love you for you... If and only if you accept that you aren't goign to be able to save the world... because you can only take life one day at a time..


love. live. Life.