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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

release therapy

so i haven't truly scribed down my feelings in a while... how is everyone.. I know I am slacking on my posts. but im human forgive me guys!

as of right now, life is kicking me in the balls... lol.

Im in love, like that deep can't think, cant breathe love, and to be honest... it's a love I have never been in before...

I don't think Im equipped to deal well, I think too much, and I have a big big problem with wearing my heart on my sleeve..

how do I take care of that? I mean lessen the way that I care, or just shut it off. for a long time i could just shut that off, and for some reason this one, this one woman, opened up those feelings again like Pandora's box. and now I want them to shut off..

when you deal with people and specifically emotions, you have to come to certain realizations, and self actualization's, and i don't think im ready for that, sad, but true.. I feel like it's a slap in the face...

love shouldn't feel bad... and on top of that, I think that my issues with just the things going on in my life don't help that either.. so I think all day, all day, and I wonder all day, and worry all day, and I just need something else to focus on, I am on summer vacay... but I am absolutely dying to go back to work and prefer the stress of working than dealing with my feelings potentially being hurt, yes this feeling should only be temporary, but what do you do when your feelings and the thing you want to last the most doesn't?

what do I do now, start from scratch, I broke my own heart? how do you just live with out any regrets, I admire people who don't care,like truly. because it's impossible for me not to.. my mom says underneath the tough guy is the most loving person you will ever meet.. and she's always said that. loving someone and showing someone the pure essence of you is difficult and when you do... you pray that they accept that from you. and pray that they love you as much as you love them... and I hope she loves me... I really do. maybe we just need some time and space...

the next time i write.. I hope to have all these things sorted out...

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my name is sharda' I am a student/ full time manager/ busy body. I am writing about my personal expirences, and my life, and everyone in it. and just letting you all get to know me.