3:58 am

so yesterday (Monday) was the coolest day..It was relaxing, and the past week or so has been extremely stressful... to the point where anything I ate I was throwing up... I was shaking all the time, and just in constant tears for a week straight... Saturday we buried my aunt... and IM glad that part is over... May she rest in peace.....

Maybe I'm obsessive.. someone is playing on my phone. the calls finally stopped. but then I called VZW.. to see if they could help me out with it, the told me to go online... it's cool to see what and when someone makes calls... seeing as though I can see all texts and calls now.. hmmm... this maybe a good or bad thing. me and my ex share an account. I'm tempted to go thru her records... but then that would be childish of me...SO i'm not.. I trust that if it's really like that. she will tell me, cause I would tell her...

speaking of ex-girlfriend. since the last post we have been talking and getting along... up until Sunday night... damn we couldn't even make it like 8 days...all over a question, last Tuesday I asked if we were back together and she spazzed out... like Major, and said no. so feelings hurt I sucked it up and just said hey... i'll enjoy the ride...

So I haven't seen like a really sweet side to her in a long time, and all week she was showing it. Idk I was a little nervous about it... so when on sunday we were talking about money, she said something really sweet and i kinda was threw off.. because she isn't a deep feelings person. it made me feel good.

Oh OH. so here goes why... she posts something on twitter about me being her gf... so I ask when did she ask me out. because last like tuesday she said " did I say we go out, I will say it when we do" so when I asked I guess that offended her something awful. cause we still aren't speaking. Maybe I hurt her feelings... Idk.... But I said Hello today and she was acting stank. but then bbm'd me about our phone bill.. so Idk what it is.. I can't seem to make her happy, and it seems like she always finds something wrong with what I say or do...


It kinda bothers me... and maybe if we are going to stay broken up we need to cut all internet ties... because I see her tweets and statuses on everything I sign in to.. and at like 9:30 it said she was out and about.. with whom.. I don't know, but it kind of bothered me ya' kno? and then two hours later it said "this is great" Idk what she was talking about, but it put a knot in my stomach... Like what if she is seeing someone else? what if she is just mad at me and doing something spiteful, like hanging out with someone from her past. Lets be honest, we haven't been clicking very much. But I honestly do love her.. and I would be sad if she moved on.... it's like... well... this age of technology... it's apparent that you are seeing someone.. and now there's not a trace of "us" on any of her pages at all... she took me off her Myspace, and said I told her to, so that's why she did it... but I was mad, and so what I told you to, I have told you before... and you never did it. but you just did... so I think our time is up... unfortunately. and it's bothering me... but not as much as it was last week.. I guess with time... it does heal all wounds...

Ohhh how I wish that we could just be together... and just let all this bullshit go... just be about us... and I told her that today.. but she was still into her feelings apparently.. so I guess.. it's a wrap for all that.

My mom is like you were good to her, and I believe I was.. and she says she's gonna miss me and the way I treated her... but I doubt it. I doubt that I had that much of an affect on her life, I doubt that she is feeling what Im feeling.. because she broke up with me... Like I asked if we were together because I genuinely want to be..but me wanting to communicate I think always leaves me with my feelings hurt and her laughing at me. or thinking Im a joke.

sometimes... I wish I didn't love her as much as I do.. Maybe it would be easier... and I would write blogs that didn't consist of her...

ugh. back to sleep I go.