you shouldnt wear ur heart on your sleeve...

I shouldnt. it hurts that we may never be together again... And all i feel is guilt... I did my share of things.. Like i ran in my own way from it... Because i was terrifed of someone being able to affect me this much... And now im here... Andmy running has made her push... Away.. To be angry, and resentful of me... I never wanted that... My fear.. Has put me in a position i never wanted to be in.. Has made me insecure... Scared... And coinstantly doubt myself... It made me feel like it was impossible for her to love someone like me... And maybe it is impossible to... The emotion that i have vested here...

Wont happen again... I am terrified of this feeling... I am my hardest critic... Indeed it takes two.. But i feel soley responsible for the failure of my relationship.. I feel like Im self destructing. I feel like I shouldn't care as much... because when you make someone youre everything, when it doesn't work out.... you feel like you don't have anything..

I wonder if she is going to miss me... Or if shes just happy shes free of me...

This wound is going to take a long time to heal...


All i want is to get right with her... For us to get right... And now. I doubt it will ever happen...

Sigh...

I guess im not supposed to win all the time...

Yikes..

I won't dedicate anymore any blogs to her... time for me to get right..