first 48.

so I was at seven 11 and this west Indian man was drunk out of his mind.... I asked him if he was okay... and he said no... his daughter was shot down on Hudson ave, she was 12 years old. this is a humbling experience... and for some reason the events continued and ended around 7 pm today.

So in the last 48 hours, I got a phone call from my grandma... saying my aunt is in hospice, this by the way is one of my favorite aunts in the world, she's a balls to the wall woman, she's hilarious and always made me smile. life of the party type of woman, someone who has been thru things and learned from them... she had stage four colon cancer... I said I was going to go tomorrow, but something said to go today... so I smoked because I threw up when my grandma called... because I was so stressed due to other things going on... I dragged my feet and dragged my feet.. and got in the car and went...

when I got there... she was looking peaceful like she had nothing to worry about. ever watch someone sleep? it was just great.... and then i talked to her, and as soon as I walked to sit down she died. 6:10 pm today... I lost someone who was a foundation of my family, a rock.... just like the rest of the black women in my life.. someone I would never be able to compare to, someone who I aspire to be like, she gave it a good fight.. she was supposed to die over the summer but she made it.... and I had one last good time with her, I cooked her some fish and broccoli, and she gave out the best kisses and thank yous for that meal.. I promise I wont ever forget how short life is.. and when I am grouping about life... Ill remember that someone has to fight more to be here, than I do, so stop taking it for granted....




so in the last 48 hours. my relationship is over...


that has me bummed, but all in all i think that maybe it was time to end, even thought I myself didn't want it to... It's really unfortunate. i know it's not all my fault, but i feel like it is.. I feel like maybe there isn't any hope for people like me... The things that happened made me insecure, unsure, and second guess myself. and I shouldn't be doing that. I should know by now that someone wants to be with me for me. and I couldn't see that, and when you are filled with doubt... bad things can happen... Im hurt about it, but what can I do. we spoke today, but you can tell that things are changing, and I do love her alot. and maybe we need a break to mature and grow because I know its stuff I need to change... but maybe it's all for the best...

I sit and think and while I listened to her last breaths that, only god can do this, make someone see what they have been missing, humble you... and change the way you go thru life...

take care guys.