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Saturday, December 13, 2008

10:39 am.

good morning, it's 10:39 am, and no word from her yet... I called you ten times, sent you numerous text messages.. and you know you mean the world to me, you know that. but you stil won't pick up. You know that I would have called sooner if I knew what was going on. but you assumed... and you still didn't pick up the phone, and you still didn't pick up this morning.. and you still are not picking up... so I am quitting, cause you clearly quit on me.. and I deff feel like someone just smushed my heart. today is going to be horrible, cause all day imma wonder why the FUCK you don't wanna pick up the GODDAMN PHONE!!! why the fuck WOULD YOU THINK THAT I WOULDN'T CALL YOU AND tell you a joke or make you laugh so that you would feel better. why THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK THAT I wouldn't call.. WHAT THE FUCK IS wrong with you?

so I have a test next week, I think, and I am no way shape or form prepared for it at all... I am really unfoucused, and been unfocused for a long time. I have been in this mood for about two weeks, and don't know what I should do to fix it. My mom says that maybe I should look around at the blessings given to me, but it's hard to do that sometimes, and you just sit and wonder why me? But I do know for sure that I am blessed beyond belief, and that sometimes I forget that, I think I am going to go to church on sunday with my gramma. I think I need it. I just feel so sad sometimes, and lonley, and I really really don't talk to anyone about what I do or have felt, so.... I just feel really overwhelmed for the most part, and sad.

But I don't feel like this all the time, just some days, and before those days were few and far between...


He makes my day, I am an avid follower on you tube, and it's great to have a laugh, I truly feel like laughing is good for anyone's soul.

well.. Imma go to sleep and hope that she understands and calls.. but I doubt it.

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my name is sharda' I am a student/ full time manager/ busy body. I am writing about my personal expirences, and my life, and everyone in it. and just letting you all get to know me.