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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Smash in to you.

That's what's playing. I am In love with the thought of love....

The endless capacity to forgive, and to actually try to love the pain away, love the tears away, insecurities, and all of the things that make you unique, someone can actually love that like the air that they breathe.

I say all the time "she not crazy, she just wanna be loved"

man do I believe that.

Recent developments, have shown that maybe that I wanna be loved to.

Like the previous blog states, it's taken me a really long time to become who I am, I was later than others, due to god knows what, maybe fear, or just a lil slow period.

and to be honest, I kinda feel like maybe it's not in the cards for me, maybe it's the women I choose, or maybe it's something wrong with me, at the end of the day I know I am one of a kind, one person told me that I am one of a kind, and maybe I am that kind, that cannot be defined... In no way shape or form, will I be out here looking, because when you look things happen that shouldn't happen, and NO I will not rush it, but it seems as though it may not happen for a while. and maybe it's just time for me to work on me.

I do have friends, but sometimes I want an emotional conncection that I do not have with my friends, I don't wanna be someone's "boo" I just want something concrete, a unbreakable foundation.

But alas, it's not going that way. but it is life is something like a learning expirence, so I dig it, and imma keep on going.

"you break up with me everyday"

well, no I don't LOVE... I just don't know what to do about you, well about me and how I feel about you, cause you seem to be good on all of whatever is going on, and I just wish I could be as "Cool" as you. but sadly, I am an emotional scorpio... and i'm working on it, but Eventually my gaurd is going to go back up.

I guess

TRUE LIFE: I'm in love with one of my best friends, and unforunatley, cannot turn it off, while other women are persuing or showing intrest in me, which I find uncool.. what am I to do?

so what do I do?? keep up the late night chit chat? and the boos and stuff, knowing it's not going anywhere? and just keep paying attention to her, and miss out on something possibly, I mean, im not really intrested in any of them, and I am not build to be a jerk off, and date for meaningless reasons, I don't like to waste time.... and also I am one of those people who is super monogomus, so if I am into you, to me there are no other options. nobody else really matters, sad but true.. yeah.. so whatever..

hence the good on lesbians, maybe I need to figure out the glitch in my system.

being open to change, and my resoution to be open, has totally left me open. and with time all things heal, but I wonder what's next for me and this lil ole life that I lead..

I cannot wait to see..

double kisses! have a nice day...


  1. Okay so I'm pissed that every time I feel like I've written an alright comment I go to post it and it doesn't go through. Pretty much angry about that. And when I have to write it a second time it loses some of it's flair.

    Anyway, keep in mind that sometimes when people seem okay with breaking up or with general relationship problems it could be because dealing with problems can be too much. I don't like to use my life as examples becauses I feel like it makes things about me instead of just responding to what someone says but my love life is a perfect example of detachment. Look at me and Mr. O'Neal, (lol) at the first sign of a problem I cut my strings faster than you can say lover's quarrel because I don't wanna get hurt. Stepping away is the easiest route for me to contain some sense of dignity in the face of wanting to cry or yell or smash things. The bigger problem actually comes in when the other person doesn't get why you seem so unaffected by everything that is going on. Then it's harder to fix because you're so far removed the other person can't get as close to you again. I am NOT by any means saying that's the right way to handle things. It's not. It's stupid and frankly a little immature but people will do crazy things in order to feel a little less hurt. Some people express themselves through painting while people like me bottle. Check my cabinets, they're filled with bottles of anger and sadness. I use it in my cooking. Love stinks but hatred tastes great in salad.

  2. To answer ur question, I don't know how to subscribe because this boy did but I don't know why you can't because I'm open to everyone. I'm sorry.

    To comment, life is hard. Love is hard and it never ever gets easier. It's the weirdest thing. The older you get, the more complicated things get but I just wanted to say never give up on it. Let things fall into place as they do and do what you can to work on you and when you find someone that you think is good, hold on for dear life! Don't let anyone take the love away once you get it.


About Me

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my name is sharda' I am a student/ full time manager/ busy body. I am writing about my personal expirences, and my life, and everyone in it. and just letting you all get to know me.