Smash in to you.

That's what's playing. I am In love with the thought of love....

The endless capacity to forgive, and to actually try to love the pain away, love the tears away, insecurities, and all of the things that make you unique, someone can actually love that like the air that they breathe.

I say all the time "she not crazy, she just wanna be loved"

man do I believe that.

Recent developments, have shown that maybe that I wanna be loved to.

Like the previous blog states, it's taken me a really long time to become who I am, I was later than others, due to god knows what, maybe fear, or just a lil slow period.

and to be honest, I kinda feel like maybe it's not in the cards for me, maybe it's the women I choose, or maybe it's something wrong with me, at the end of the day I know I am one of a kind, one person told me that I am one of a kind, and maybe I am that kind, that cannot be defined... In no way shape or form, will I be out here looking, because when you look things happen that shouldn't happen, and NO I will not rush it, but it seems as though it may not happen for a while. and maybe it's just time for me to work on me.

I do have friends, but sometimes I want an emotional conncection that I do not have with my friends, I don't wanna be someone's "boo" I just want something concrete, a unbreakable foundation.

But alas, it's not going that way. but it is life is something like a learning expirence, so I dig it, and imma keep on going.

"you break up with me everyday"

well, no I don't LOVE... I just don't know what to do about you, well about me and how I feel about you, cause you seem to be good on all of whatever is going on, and I just wish I could be as "Cool" as you. but sadly, I am an emotional scorpio... and i'm working on it, but Eventually my gaurd is going to go back up.

I guess

TRUE LIFE: I'm in love with one of my best friends, and unforunatley, cannot turn it off, while other women are persuing or showing intrest in me, which I find uncool.. what am I to do?

so what do I do?? keep up the late night chit chat? and the boos and stuff, knowing it's not going anywhere? and just keep paying attention to her, and miss out on something possibly, I mean, im not really intrested in any of them, and I am not build to be a jerk off, and date for meaningless reasons, I don't like to waste time.... and also I am one of those people who is super monogomus, so if I am into you, to me there are no other options. nobody else really matters, sad but true.. yeah.. so whatever..

hence the good on lesbians, maybe I need to figure out the glitch in my system.


being open to change, and my resoution to be open, has totally left me open. and with time all things heal, but I wonder what's next for me and this lil ole life that I lead..


I cannot wait to see..


double kisses! have a nice day...